AnonymousLawStudent

The half-truths, omissions, and outright lies about floating through law school.

Review Session: A New Off-Off-Broadway Play.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

[Classroom of a respectable New York City law school. Professor enters to find about 10-12 students scattered around the back row.]

Professor: Hello! Sorry I am a little late. [checks watch] So since we are all busy and you have an exam to study for, let's just get started. I don't have anything prepared so this is going to be strictly Q and....yes...you in the back.

Girl Who Speaks No English Whatsoever: Professor, wah wah wah exam wah wah wah section wah wah wah understand wah wah responsible?

Professor: If I understood you correctly you are asking...did everyone hear that in the back? Should I repeat the questions? Yes. The question, I believe was whether there would be an emphasis on the one section of the Act that I never talked about but assigned hundreds of pages of reading for. I can't answer that because frankly I have not written the exam yet. So you won't be the only ones winging it [*winks*].

Creepy Old Woman [does not raise hand just starts talking]: In discussing Natural Resources Defense Council v. Any Semblance of Common Fucking Sense, you had mentioned that the standard of review was leaning towards moderate deference. The hornbooks that I have dutifully purchased and transcribed into this spirally-bound outline [waves outline around, adjusts falling glasses on nose] seem to indicate that the standard is more of "relaxed" deference. Please explain this..."inconsistency" [emits nasal laugh] if you will.

Professor: I believe that was a note case....

Creepy Old Woman: Yes, it followed in the notes after...[starts flipping furiously through sprial-bound outline which is about 100 pages too long to be useful in a 4 hour exam]...[getting flustered]

Professor: I wouldn't worry about trying to you know, pin down any note cases. Unless I mentioned them in class. If I mentioned them in class, but more in a non-passing manner, that is to say if I made any gestures indicating their importance it probably means that I am trying to communicate to you that in fact wrote them when I was clerking for Justice Kennedy. Have I mentioned that I clerked for Justice Kennedy by the way? Because if I haven't let me assure you that after getting my A.B. from Harvard and Juris Doctor from Yale Law, I did not just putz around a big firm like most of you will. No, I clerked for a fantastic Second Circuit judge and then right onto the K-train.

Foreign Guy Who Hasn't Slept in Days: What eez thees "Kennedy" you speak of? I do not see it on zee zylla-boos. I am tres con-fused.

Professor: Nevermind. Any more questions? I just realized I am missing the first half of a Nuggets-Spurs game and my 35 year old wife just got back from Europe and needs a good roll in the sack.

Creepy Old Woman: [still looking for case, about to cry since it begins to dawn on her that her outline is a fucking glorified doorstop]: I know its...here.....

Girl Who Doesn't Give a Shit: Giggles [openly typing into 4 IM windows, not paying the least bit of attention]. [Adjusts thong sticking out of sweatpants]

Professor: Unless someone else has something, I think that will be all...Remember, the exam is four hours and I will take about 3 minutes to read each one while listenning to a Beatles record my nephew just put on my iPod. So make them snappy! Good luck and please do not stay in touch. I don't answer any email to my current students, there is no reason to think that I will answer yours when you are no longer enrolled. Toodles!

13 Comments:

At 11:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

But you all clapped in appreciation for such a great semester, right? :P

 
At 1:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It never ceases to amaze me, how profs take their little corner of the law so seriously they'll write 1000 pps on a circuit split on relaxed vs. reclined vs. just chillin' deference...yet, when it comes to exams (which are probably more consequential than most else that goes on in law school) almost all the profs I've had just pull somethin out of their asses.

 
At 2:14 PM, Blogger NYCLawChick said...

you go to columbia law right?

 
At 3:04 PM, Blogger DA' Scales said...

Now I know you said New York, but I really think you go to my law school out her in Ca. and are attempting to conceal your identity!

 
At 1:01 AM, Blogger ALS said...

"you go to columbia law right?"

Now, if I just gave away my school identitity willy nilly, I wouldn't be the ANONYMOUS Law Student for very long, would I?

"Now I know you said New York, but I really think you go to my law school out her in Ca. and are attempting to conceal your identity!"

Yes I go to your law school. Next time you see me, give me a big wet kiss.

 
At 5:25 PM, Blogger Roonie said...

I can't go around kissing everyone, silly.

 
At 12:50 AM, Blogger ALS said...

"I can't go around kissing everyone, silly."

Why not?

 
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At 12:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bush goes ballistic about other countries being evil and dangerous, because they have weapons of mass destruction. But, he insists on building up even a more deadly supply of nuclear arms right here in the US. What do you think? Is killing thousands of innocent civilians okay when you are doing a little government makeover?
Are we safer today than we were before?
We have lost friends and influenced no one. No wonder most of the world thinks we suck. Thanks to what george bush has done to our country during the past three years, we do!

 
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