AnonymousLawStudent

The half-truths, omissions, and outright lies about floating through law school.

Monday 04/18/05

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

A lot more people coming to class these days, with finals looming. Like the ones who haven't shown up since week 4. I really don't care one way or the other but more people coming to class means that more of us have to sit in closer proximity to each other. Which means that instead of my usual free space on either side, today I am sandwiched between some crazed-looking foreigner who clearly has not showered and a girl who looks like she might keel over and die. He is wearing a striped shirt with French cuffs with an inexpicable Ronald McDonald t-shirt underneath and picking his nose with the rubber end of a mechanical pencil, flicking the remnants of the nasal treasure away with a swift motion. Yeah real smooth, you fucker. At least I have the satisfaction of knowing that 75% odds say that he doesn't have a job.

I am pretty sure that the girl has not been to class in some time because she is deathly ill. She just looks like shit, all swollen and ashen and just not very fuckable even though she was kinda hot before she got SARS, or e.coli or whatever she has. As if there was any doubt about her status, immediately after the Professor kicks things off she starts coughing. And I am not talking about a little *cough, cough* here, I am talking about chucking up a fucking lung. It sounds like she was working the coal mines in a Dickens novel or something. Assuming he wrote about coal miners. I think he has but who the fuck knows. She is red and tears are coming out of her eyes and I can't hear anything. I am trying not to breathe at all lest I catch via airborne virus whatever the fuck she has and the whole time I am wondering whether her passing out in class will mean that I will be forced to interrupt my online poker game to help her or not. I finally concede that if she falls to the floor I might have to intervene but if she just passed out head down on her desk, that's her fucking problem.

11 Comments:

At 2:23 AM, Blogger Finishing Law School said...

During my first year there was this large, pale, odd looking woman that would periodically attend classes for my section. Rumor had it that this was her 3rd or 4th time trying to finish her first year of law school. She was frequently absent. One day she came up to my contracts prof and loud enough for a few people to hear, including myself, she apologized for missing class and tried to begin explaining that it was due to SEVERE CONSTIPATION. After that I had to run out of the room so that I could begin laughing in the most obscene manner. I remember the prof putting up her hands trying to stop the explanation but I left before I saw whether or not that worked...

 
At 9:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are you the ALS I keep seeing on PartyPoker during my Antitrust class?

 
At 9:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Totally classic, I hated sitting next to people like that in close class-rooms. Of course, you always love sitting next to that hot girl who you will slut out that night.

 
At 2:12 PM, Blogger The Attractive Nuisance said...

Dude. No reason for Typhoid Mary to bring her diseases into the classroom.

 
At 11:11 PM, Blogger Law Slave said...

I would have to agree with "The Attractive Nuisance." There is no reason for this girl to come into class so close to finals to get everyone sick. You should have asked her to leave or you should have at least thanked her for coming to class and infesting you. Leave it at home. What is this girl going to learn the last week of class anyway??

 
At 10:28 AM, Blogger The Attractive Nuisance said...

Maybe Typhoid Mary was hoping to get some information on the exam?

I think French cuff/Ronald McDonald t-shirt guy is in my Corporate Finance class.

 
At 12:55 AM, Blogger Sneaky said...

I think I'm getting the black lung pop...

While I am one of those people who tend to kick things up a notch around this last week of class I cannot stand people all up in my law space.

 
At 11:56 PM, Blogger ALS said...

"Are you the ALS I keep seeing on PartyPoker during my Antitrust class?"

Probably. Next time you think you see me, give me a big hug and say "I know your secret." I will probably act like I don't know what you are talking about but it's really just a front.

"Dude. No reason for Typhoid Mary to bring her diseases into the classroom."

Big wheels keep on , Typhoid Mary keep on coughin'...

"I think French cuff/Ronald McDonald t-shirt guy is in my Corporate Finance class."

There is one in every class now. Along with the obnoxious shit wearing a pinstriped suit jakcet over an t-shirt.

 
At 4:17 PM, Blogger The Attractive Nuisance said...

"There is one in every class now. Along with the obnoxious shit wearing a pinstriped suit jakcet over an t-shirt."

This is because Adam Brody has brainwashed people into thinking that this is "cool". When the kid in my Corp Fin class pairs this combination with his knitted visor, I am particularly in awe of his dashing sartorial choices.

 
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