AnonymousLawStudent

The half-truths, omissions, and outright lies about floating through law school.

Monday 04/11/05

Monday, April 11, 2005

8:42 AM.
*phone rings*

Fumbling around, confusion. Anonymous LawStudent picks up the phone.

ALS: Hell...Hello?
Phone: Hello, this is your service staff at AnonymousBank. How are you today?
ALS: Um...did I overdraw or something?
Phone: No, sir. We are conducting a study as to how we can serve you...
ALS: I didn't overdraw?
Phone: No, sir.
ALS: And you are calling me at 8:40 in the morning to see what you can do for me?
Phone: Yes, sir. As well as to notify you of our exciting stable of financial management products, such as...
ALS: Ok, first of all don't ever call this early again. And second of all, don't EVER fucking call me unless there is an emergency of some sort. Get someone else to do your market research for you.
Phone: I um...don't think that kind of language is necessary.
ALS: I do. Fuck off and another word out of you and I am going to the National Bank of Brazil which is offering a free swimsuit calendar with every account. When was the last time you fuckers sent me any titties?
Phone: Like I said, I dont um...really...appreciate the...
ALS: Don't ever, ever wake me up again, you outsourced phone monkey.

Hang up phone. Make a burrito and search internet for flights to South America.

6 Comments:

At 1:06 PM, Blogger whatever said...

I was pretty let down when it turned out that Anonymous Lawyer was actually just a law student who hated big law and everything that his false web persona stood for. I still read his blog, but it's not the same.

Your blog looks pretty damn good. I don't even care if you're not actually a law student or if you write what you do in an attempt to mock those that can identify with it. It makes me laugh, and unless you announce yourself as a sham, your blog's contents are as real as any readed wants them to be. Nice job.

 
At 12:55 AM, Blogger ALS said...

"Your blog looks pretty damn good. I don't even care if you're not actually a law student or if you write what you do in an attempt to mock those that can identify with it. It makes me laugh, and unless you announce yourself as a sham, your blog's contents are as real as any readed wants them to be. Nice job."

I am a fraud, Thomas. Rather than being a law student I am actually a coke-dealing millionaire Don Juan. I just thought that the life of a reading-overwhelmed JD student would be far more exciting.

 
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At 5:51 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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