AnonymousLawStudent

The half-truths, omissions, and outright lies about floating through law school.

Columbia v. NYU Law school: Settling the Battle Once and and For all

Friday, March 25, 2005

The decision time is upon many of you pre-Ls and for an inordinate amount of people that choice boils down to NYU Law School versus Columbia Law School. Let's have a break down of the schools to see which one has the edge in the battle for NYC legal education supremacy.

LOCATION
NYU: Tha Village. A fun place that's expensive.
Columbia: "Morningside Heights"...ok who are kidding? Harlem. A far less fun place that's less expensive.
Advantage: Even. Per dollar they probably come out even. I think I've been reading too much law and economics as of late.

DO NOT GO IF YOU ARE AFRAID OF:
NYU: Non-heterosexuals. It is, after all, the Village.
Columbia: Non-caucasians. It is, after all, Harlem.
Advantage: It would be un-PC to say. Either way, you're not in Kansas anymore.

FAMOUS SKETCHY ALUMNS
NYU: Rudy Guiliani, former Mayor of this fine city.
Columbia: Mark Belnick, former General Counsel of Tyco.
Advantage: NYU. Rudy wins this one hands down. Between the good times him and Bernie K. must have had back in the day and the whole NY Post-glazed divorce, he is way more fun than a would-be embezzler who found radical Catholicism in mid-life.

CRITICAL RACE SCHOLAR YOU DO NOT WANT TO ARGUE WITH IN CLASS DISCUSSION
NYU: Derrick Bell.
Columbia: Patricia Williams.
Advantage: NYU. Bell left a tenured position at Harvard to prove a point. You don't think he would tear you a new one in class just to prove another?

CURRENT SUPREME COURT JUSTICE ALUMNS
NYU: None.
Columbia: Ruth Bader Gisburg.
Advantage: Might seem like an obvious one but for anyone who has read many Ginsburg opinions, this one could cut either way.

MENTIONS IN MOVIES
NYU: Surprisingly frequent.
Columbia: Not as frequent but of higher quality.
Advantage: Columbia. Not only does Spider-Man go there but the campus is used in all kinds of cinematic endeavors.

WEB DESIGN LOOK
NYU: Sea of white.
Columbia: Lake of blue.
Advantage: Columbia. Frankly, the NYU one looks like a mid-level CS major's end of the semester project.And this photoa looks just downright freaky.

UNDERGRAD IS FOR
NYU: City kids who will never leave the city, Ivy rejects, creative types, massive stoners, Olsen twins.
Columbia: International finance/engineering types, children of socialites, suburban overachivers who declined their NYU scholarships.
Advantage: It all depends on how you weigh the odds of an Olson twins sighting v. making out with the daughter of a CEO in a dimly lit fake punk bar.

DEAN OF THE SCHOOL LOOKS LIKE
NYU: Richard Fish from Ally McBeal.
Columbia: Your uncle who is a successful investment manager.
Advantage: Who knows. They both went to Yale, which shows you what the REAL top school is.

HARVARD-ENVY
NYU: More than you think.
Columbia: Less than you think.
Advantage: Roughly equal. Both are populated by 75% or so big H rejects. Nothing to be ashamed of.

WORST FEAR IF ATTEND
NYU: Wandering into a bridge and tunnel bar.
Columbia: Wandering into Spanish Harlem.
Advantage: Columbia. Have you ever been around a bunch of Jersey teenagers with gold chains while they are drunk? Better take your chances with the guys slinging rock.

GULTY PLEASURE
NYU: When going out to eat knowing that your model/actor/writer/director of a waiter will almost certainly go home to Ohio to become a district manager of something or other after blowing through 40 grand a year to go to Tisch.
Columbia: When trying to get a cab having options between the licensed and the patently illegal unlicensed TownCars swirling around.
Advantage: Columbia. Gypsy cabs rule.

WHAT THE SCHOOL SAY ABOUT RANKINGS
NYU: Remember that one glorious year when we topped Columbia? Wasn't that awesome... [Looks away wistfully].
Columbia: How did Stanford get ahead of us? Do they even assign reading there?
Advantage: Much like the conflict in the Middle East this is a struggle that will not be solved in our time. But because a shitty magazine that no one reads says so, let's go with Columbia.

*FINAL ANALYSIS*
This is a Pepsi-Coke type of choice. Some swear by one, some by the other, most can taste no difference. There is a plucky upstart with a little momentum versus an institution that has defined the field. I say as long as you have managed to keep yourself out of Fordham, things are going well.

86 Comments:

At 6:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

ALS, I don't even know you anymore.

You claim to settle the battle "Once and and (sic) For all," but you wimp out on the conclusion.

I'm not even sure you're a law student; it's clear you're a mediocre "journalist," perhaps the Roving Reporter.

 
At 7:03 PM, Blogger ALS said...

"I'm not even sure you're a law student; it's clear you're a mediocre "journalist," perhaps the Roving Reporter."

I have been accused of faking being a law student! You're right, I am actually an InternationalManOfMystery but writing from a vantage point of a 2L is much sexier.

 
At 7:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't forget NYU's other sketchy alum, Kenneth Starr.

 
At 8:01 PM, Blogger ALS said...

"Don't forget NYU's other sketchy alum, Kenneth Starr."

It's times like this that I truly appreciate the comment feature.

 
At 11:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Columbia students sure care a lot about their rankings.

 
At 11:25 PM, Blogger ALS said...

"Columbia students sure care a lot about their rankings."

I don't know what that means. What does that mean?

 
At 11:52 AM, Blogger Matt said...

Last time I checked, Dean Revesz looked a whole lot more like Malcolm Gladwell than Greg Germann.

 
At 4:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow. How obvious you haven't gone to Columbia or really stepped foot in the Morningside Heights area. First, Columbia is not really in Harlem, especially as the neighborhood because increasingly gentrified. Leaving aside any opinions about gentrification, the CU area looks and feels extremely different from 125 and Bway, or even 106th and Park. The great thing about Harlem is that if you do want to you can go there very easily for good food, cheaper housing and entertainment . Second, I spent four years at CU and can tell you that I definetly spent less money than my friends at NYU. My friends at NYU Law now say the same. The fact that you said "Worst Fear to Attend" : wandering into Spanish Harlem is both racist and pathetic. I hope the "urban" youth out there don't scare you too much.

 
At 4:54 PM, Anonymous Joe said...

Hell of a sense of humor, you've got there, last anonymous. This column is a joke. That's spelled J-O-K-E. Joke? Got it? You're also completely wrong, though I admire your unabashed PC dishonesty. Tell me, just how far uptown are you prepared to go for your food, housing, and entertainment. 135th? 140th? 145th? Yeah, sure.

 
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At 1:11 PM, Blogger The Attractive Nuisance said...

NYU has another sketchy alum...noted wifebeater/child killer Joel Steinberg.

 
At 12:31 AM, Blogger ALS said...

"NYU has another sketchy alum...noted wifebeater/child killer Joel Steinberg."

That is an excellent call! If there was a fantasy draft of sketchy NYU alumns, he would be a top 5 selection.

 
At 12:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The best sketchy Columbia alum is Gray Davis, recalled California gov.

 
At 5:36 PM, Anonymous DAS said...

As a NYU Alum (undergrad) and law student at Northwestern, I am a bit offeneded by your characterization of NYU undgerad. I chose it over Columbia undergrad and have no regrets. Before defining NYU based primarily on the Olsens, do a little more research my friend.

 
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