Columbia v. NYU Law school: Settling the Battle Once and and For all

The decision time is upon many of you pre-Ls and for an inordinate amount of people that choice boils down to NYU Law School versus Columbia Law School. Let's have a break down of the schools to see which one has the edge in the battle for NYC legal education supremacy.

LOCATION
NYU: Tha Village. A fun place that's expensive.
Columbia: "Morningside Heights"...ok who are kidding? Harlem. A far less fun place that's less expensive.
Advantage: Even. Per dollar they probably come out even. I think I've been reading too much law and economics as of late.

DO NOT GO IF YOU ARE AFRAID OF:
NYU: Non-heterosexuals. It is, after all, the Village.
Columbia: Non-caucasians. It is, after all, Harlem.
Advantage: It would be un-PC to say. Either way, you're not in Kansas anymore.

FAMOUS SKETCHY ALUMNS
NYU: Rudy Guiliani, former Mayor of this fine city.
Columbia: Mark Belnick, former General Counsel of Tyco.
Advantage: NYU. Rudy wins this one hands down. Between the good times him and Bernie K. must have had back in the day and the whole NY Post-glazed divorce, he is way more fun than a would-be embezzler who found radical Catholicism in mid-life.

CRITICAL RACE SCHOLAR YOU DO NOT WANT TO ARGUE WITH IN CLASS DISCUSSION
NYU: Derrick Bell.
Columbia: Patricia Williams.
Advantage: NYU. Bell left a tenured position at Harvard to prove a point. You don't think he would tear you a new one in class just to prove another?

CURRENT SUPREME COURT JUSTICE ALUMNS
NYU: None.
Columbia: Ruth Bader Gisburg.
Advantage: Might seem like an obvious one but for anyone who has read many Ginsburg opinions, this one could cut either way.

MENTIONS IN MOVIES
NYU: Surprisingly frequent.
Columbia: Not as frequent but of higher quality.
Advantage: Columbia. Not only does Spider-Man go there but the campus is used in all kinds of cinematic endeavors.

WEB DESIGN LOOK
NYU: Sea of white.
Columbia: Lake of blue.
Advantage: Columbia. Frankly, the NYU one looks like a mid-level CS major's end of the semester project.And this photoa looks just downright freaky.

UNDERGRAD IS FOR
NYU: City kids who will never leave the city, Ivy rejects, creative types, massive stoners, Olsen twins.
Columbia: International finance/engineering types, children of socialites, suburban overachivers who declined their NYU scholarships.
Advantage: It all depends on how you weigh the odds of an Olson twins sighting v. making out with the daughter of a CEO in a dimly lit fake punk bar.

DEAN OF THE SCHOOL LOOKS LIKE
NYU: Richard Fish from Ally McBeal.
Columbia: Your uncle who is a successful investment manager.
Advantage: Who knows. They both went to Yale, which shows you what the REAL top school is.

HARVARD-ENVY
NYU: More than you think.
Columbia: Less than you think.
Advantage: Roughly equal. Both are populated by 75% or so big H rejects. Nothing to be ashamed of.

WORST FEAR IF ATTEND
NYU: Wandering into a bridge and tunnel bar.
Columbia: Wandering into Spanish Harlem.
Advantage: Columbia. Have you ever been around a bunch of Jersey teenagers with gold chains while they are drunk? Better take your chances with the guys slinging rock.

GULTY PLEASURE
NYU: When going out to eat knowing that your model/actor/writer/director of a waiter will almost certainly go home to Ohio to become a district manager of something or other after blowing through 40 grand a year to go to Tisch.
Columbia: When trying to get a cab having options between the licensed and the patently illegal unlicensed TownCars swirling around.
Advantage: Columbia. Gypsy cabs rule.

WHAT THE SCHOOL SAY ABOUT RANKINGS
NYU: Remember that one glorious year when we topped Columbia? Wasn't that awesome... [Looks away wistfully].
Columbia: How did Stanford get ahead of us? Do they even assign reading there?
Advantage: Much like the conflict in the Middle East this is a struggle that will not be solved in our time. But because a shitty magazine that no one reads says so, let's go with Columbia.

*FINAL ANALYSIS*
This is a Pepsi-Coke type of choice. Some swear by one, some by the other, most can taste no difference. There is a plucky upstart with a little momentum versus an institution that has defined the field. I say as long as you have managed to keep yourself out of Fordham, things are going well.