The half-truths, omissions, and outright lies about floating through law school.

Mail Time.

Saturday, February 12, 2005

I think it is high time, I have answered the email that has piled up at anon_law_student at yahoo...well you know the rest.

"Hello, Allow me to present the latest discover in pleasure devices for men's!!"

Hello, allow me to present why the benefits of outsourcing may be getting a bit overstated.

"This is a one time offer. NO other emails you'll receive from us!"

It's like a "Dear John" letter sellinng some kind of flashlight-looking thing you can fuck. Both informative and vaguely melancholy. But as appealing as it sounds, I will stick to at least attempting for real live women for the time being.

"D‮ae‬r Yah‮!oo‬ Mem‮eb‬r,

Th‮si‬ em‮lia‬ was se‮tn‬ by the Ya‮oh‬o! ser‮ev‬r to verify y‮uo‬r b‮na‬k ca‮dr‬ i‮noitamrofn‬. Y‮uo‬r ba‮kn‬ ask Y‮!ooha‬ t‮ od o‬so bec‮sua‬e s‮emo‬ of t‮rieh‬ m‮me‬bers no l‮regno‬ h‮va‬e a‮ssecc‬ to e‮liam‬ addresses on Y‮ooha‬! and they n‮dee‬ to v‮yfire‬ you. You m‮tsu‬ com‮lp‬ete th‮si‬ proc‮se‬s by cli‮kc‬ing on the li‮kn‬ be‮ol‬w:

Suprisingly enough after sending my credit card information, ATM pin codes, mother's maiden name, billing address, time of day when is no one home, the spot where the extra house key is hidden, the code to the safe inside, where the keys for the deposit boxes are and their locations, I have not gotten ANY follow up from this helpful organization. I hope they verify me. I would hate not to be verified.

And the non-spam...

"Any other clues as to your secret identity? 2L, right? Any more goodies?"

Well there a couple of clues here and there. I am indeed a 2L. I can provide more goodies if you allow me to verify your bank card information...sorry I got carried away.

"You suck and you aren't funny."

I am afraid not even I can fulfill your comedic needs. I hope I was able to fulfill your need for inner peace by slining mud at someone else [chokes back tears]. I am ok, I really am.

"Are you sure you're not gay?"

Ok this one wasn't emailed so much as left as a comment. Let me check and I will get back to you. Thus far, 24 years into my life the possibility of sweet sweet woman juice has been a large impetus for doing much of anything. There is, however, a possibility that I have been living a lie and do in fact crave the penis. If only I had known sooner, I could have been subscribing to much better magazines.


At 9:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Let's play the guessing game. NYU? Hot or cold?

At 12:14 PM, Blogger ALS said...

"Let's play the guessing game. NYU? Hot or cold?"

Why don't I just give you my home phone number and headshot?


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