The half-truths, omissions, and outright lies about floating through law school.

Last Night

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

"Last nite she said
Oh baby I feel so down
When you turn me off
When I feel left out
So i, I turned round
Oh baby don’t care no more
I know this for sure
I’m walking out that door"
-The Strokes.

Last night: I wind up in a Murray Hill bar with some hedge fund masters of the universe I went to undergrad with. I get very drunk. I am very drunk when I am talking to some random girl who is telling me about her college thesis on post-feminist critiques of the FCC's media ownership rules and how she turned that into a gig at a major network. It sounds like she is a glorified secretary but since she attended a school I had never heard of, that must be pretty exciting. I am looking for a way to weasel out of talking to her since she seems bored and distracted tapping uncomfortably on the unevenly sugared rim of her appletini glass. Instead she takes out the gum she was chewing and starts making out with me. To make a long story short, twenty minutes later we are in her apartment and I am sprinting into the bathroom since I had about 4 Black'N Tans to end the night.

When I come out I hear a sound that would wake the dead with its sheer monstrosity. She is puking her brains out onto a chair. It's one of those $500 Aero chairs with the curved ass-seat which is doing a fantastic job of collecting the red chunks. At some point I realize that is going to go for quite some time and pick up my jacket to quietly slip out during the festivities. A sleepy-looking Asian girl in a man's "Villanova Intramural Basekteball Champ!" t-shirt comes out of a bedroom which I did not realize was there and before I am forced to make some horribly uncomfortable small talk I just walk out the front door. As I am trying to find the elevator, all I hear "What the fuck did you do to my chair!" Perhaps the last three rounds of sambuca shots were a bit much.

This morning I am sititng in my suit, with a notepad, looking very serious, listening to some ranting speech about police "disrespect" from an elderly man with many missing teeth. He was detained for what he says is peaceful loitering and what the police say was harrassment of customers of some deli uptown. I am supposed to help him litigate the restraining order the deli owners have against him, or something like that. I don't know. My head hurts and I am only thinking about one thing: what kind of underwear she was wearing. I bet it was something cool.


At 4:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Super Funny! Appletini and sambuca what a combination. Way too sweet. No wonder she got sick.

At 11:24 PM, Blogger ALS said...

"Super Funny!"

Considerably less so when the possibility of explaining this to a sleepy stranger was real. And the smell was horrendous. I think she ate sashimi or something.


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