AnonymousLawStudent

The half-truths, omissions, and outright lies about floating through law school.

Here's something useful

Sunday, January 23, 2005

If you are a 1L and are desperately seeking that golden dream of a 1L summer associateship, gather around the fire. It's hard to find one but depending on your school and your grades, it's doable. Hell, I did it and that 20 grand post-taxes [we are hoping for a nice fat tax return as well] is pretty damn sweet. Here is some advice on how to find that coveted summer associate gig [following advice is for non "diversity" job searches only. If you happen to be a minority 1L, congratulations! You need not bother with this]:

First of all, as a psychological matter, give up any illusion that you are of ANY use to a firm as 1L. After a year of law school all you will know how to do is smile while wearing a suit and not get drunk at lunch. 2Ls are just as useless work-wise but they are recruited simply to be brought back as live bodies after they graduated. Since the 1L firm that might hire you knows you are NOT going back to them the second summer, they are in effect wasting money on you. Once we have reached this critical epiphany comes the fun part: find a firm so pathetic, desperate, downtrodden, ugly, declining, and otherwise deformed as is willing to hire 1Ls. The key questions to ask are:

-Has the firm had to fire associates in the past and have a bad reputation because of it?
-Have key partners been defecitng as of late?
-Has there been a scandal involving institutional racial insensitivity? [bonus points if you are a member of the racial group offended]
-Have business publications hinted at the firm closing?
-Is the firm below market in its benefits pacakge/bonus/etc.?
-Is the firm known not to give offers to all of its 2L summers?
-Is the firm the butt of jokes, as in "I sure hope I don't get a B- in Civ Pro, or I will have to work for firm X"?
-Is the firm trying a little too hard with promotional materials/cutesy recruiting pages/trying to be warm and fuzzy?
-Do people say "things could be worse, I could be headed to firm X"?
-Has the firm had any well-publicized suicdes of late?
-Do small children cry when the name of firm X is mentioned?
-Is the firm often compared to Brobeck?
-Have there been e-mails circulating around the internet displaying a partners' wrath at an associate?
-Have there been resignation e-mails filled with venom from a former associate circulating around?

The point of the exercise is to find some employers who are so unattractive to 2Ls that only the substandard and criminally insane would work there. Also add any office of a European-based firm, since they can't compete with the locals and will probably be gone in five years. Voila! Now go get a job which will allow you to experience three course lunches four times a week while doing little to nothing.

The reason the crappier firms desperate to raise their profile will look to 1Ls is because they are even more desperate for a job, don't know any better and will be so grateful to be thrown a bone that they will come back raving about the firm. This will in turn increase the morons at the margins who will overlook the fact that they are going to a shithole of an employer the next summer. Everyone wins!

11 Comments:

At 12:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm appalled and disappointed by this blog and the arrogant attitude you display in your posts. As a NYC attorney, I feel sad that you will be one of many who enter the legal profession. Reading your blog reminds me of the idiotic posts I used to read over at the old PR board or the new XOXO board. I sincerely hope what you write here is an attempt at humor (like the attempted humor made by AnonymouseLawyer.blogspot.com), because if you really think the way you write - you have a lot of growing up to do.
~NYC Esq.

 
At 1:30 AM, Blogger ALS said...

"I'm appalled and disappointed by this blog and the arrogant attitude you display in your posts. As a NYC attorney, I feel sad that you will be one of many who enter the legal profession."

You sound like the kind of guy who wears tan slacks hiked up a little too high. I bet you also watch a lot of romantic comedies and occassionally cry when the guy *finally* gets the girl.

Oh yes and let me apologize in advance that I will soil the morally, ethically, and otherwise pure occupational field of NYC law.

 
At 9:53 AM, Blogger The Firm said...

I dont know if you were aiming for humor or not--and thats the great thing about it--but its pretty funny.

 
At 12:17 PM, Blogger Narkoleptik said...

lol

 
At 12:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I got a giggle teehee..

 
At 2:09 PM, Blogger ALS said...

"I got a giggle"

I don't get it. I really dont.

 
At 3:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

and you just made the biggest gaffe on the internet...assuming I am a GUY...God, the sillyness never ends does it?
~NYC Esq.

 
At 4:06 PM, Blogger ALS said...

"and you just made the biggest gaffe on the internet...assuming I am a GUY...God, the sillyness never ends does it?"

Frankly it's not a "gaffe" since your gender is wholly irrelevant. Then again I should have guessed from the stilted "holier-than-thou" tone and that intolerable tilda that you could be of the other gender.

You win my undying admiration and respect. Congratulations for outsmarting me. I hope your subway ride to work tomorrow is that much more pleasant. Unless you ride the A/C in which case it probably won't be.

 
At 7:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Work for nonprofits, my man! 1L jobs are the time to kick back, congratulate yourself on ACTUALLY getting through the FIRST YEAR OF LAW SCHOOL. Amazing, if you think about it.

And during the 2L Summer Recruiting drive, the firms ATE UP the public interest stuff I did (trust me; it wasn't super impressive nor was it prestigious). I still landed a sweet 2L big NYC firm job.

Just get a good story out of the summer, how you learned x & y and enjoy yourself. I know $ helps, but check out your school's stipend programs. Otherwise, do what a lot of my friends did -- tend bar at night.

 
At 8:26 PM, Blogger ALS said...

"Work for nonprofits, my man! 1L jobs are the time to kick back, congratulate yourself on ACTUALLY getting through the FIRST YEAR OF LAW SCHOOL. Amazing, if you think about it. "

If you can't get a firm job, that's an excellent plan. Minus the "congratulate yourself." That sounds a little asinine.

 
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