The half-truths, omissions, and outright lies about floating through law school.

Summer Associate Event

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

After a 6 PM day, we have a cocktail reception. A bunch of us are gathered around a table with some booze and a little light food. There will be a show and some kind of afterparty with the "cool" associates there and I will stumble home at 3 AM completely drunk and happy, at least until the morning.

Right now, however, I am at a cocktail reception and talking to some Counsel [translation: tried to climb the hill and fell just short] type from a department I have never heard of. I think he does airplane leases or something. Ugh. So while he is carrying on about asset-backed securitization, I tune into the converation behind me. A cute [7 to 7.5, depending on clothes and makup] summer is talking to a youngish M&A partner. He just asked her if she was seeing anyone and invited to her "hang out" at his place in the Hamptons. I did some work for the guy earlier in the summer. I wonder if his wife will mind.

Explaining my absence

Sunday, August 14, 2005

I did not want to stop writing this thing while working because, well, you can only imagine how much fodder for discussion a summer associate gig at a top New York firm can provide. But throughout the surreal absurdity of it all, I decided to stop for a number of reasons. Among them:
-Time. I certainly was not doing much work but between events, after-parties and after-after-parties, it's tough to be sober enough at home to be writing this thing. And I was not stupid enough to be writing at work.
-The overwhlemed factor. When ten absolutely insane things happen every day, how do you pick one or two to analyze?
-Most importantly, maintaining my Anonymous status. Put quite simply, if I retold the summer as it was happening in real time it would be very easy for one of my co-workers to figure out who I was. And we would not want that.

So stay tuned.

Time to start up again

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Guess who's back
Back again
ALS's back
Tell a friend
Guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back
guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back...

Friday, May 20, 2005

The most surprising thing about being a wanna-be lawyer is how useless law school is. I mean none of the shit I have "learned," aka crammed into my brain the week before an exam only to be vomited into the screen come exam-time and be forgotten the next day, has come in even remotely handy.

The second most surprising is how hard it is to get used to the higher resoltuion and smaller display of my laptop than my giant flat screen and it's old-man mode that I stare at all day. Come to think of it, I should probably go drink so this doesn't give me a headache.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

I am sitting down at my first lunch as a summer associate of the AnonymousNewYorkFirm to whom I am giving my services this summer. Myself, two other summers, two associates, and a high-wattage partner are at a table of a fine dining establishment. One of the associates interviewed me and was really friendly but very obviously deluding himself and everyone else involved with talk of of the "fantastic work" and "collegial culture." I haven't seen him in months and frankly he looks like shit, bloated and pale and beaten up by the work and the culture. He is also wearing a suit when no one else is wearing a suit, which is an unwise move since it is obvious that he was interviewing elsewhere this morning. Even I know better and I spent the better part of my weekend trying to get two 19 year old freshmen without fakes into bars on the lower east side. When we were unsuccessful one of them took me back to her dorm to do some body shots.

Instead of those good times, however, our lunch is getting tense as the associates are not showing nearly enough firm morale for the high-wattage partner and I am finding the tuna a bit flaky and tasteless even though it will set the firm back $26. I kind of feel bad for the guy, I mean he can threaten those who want to stay to become like him with stuff but for people who just want to get a paycheck for a few years, a line on the resume and leave it must be tough to exert authority. Then I think about all of the 19 year olds I won't be meeting and I feel bad for myself. Plus my cappucino tastes a tad too cold and flat. That's all I remember from today.

Answering E-Mail

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Some interesting stuff to come across anon_law_studnent at the y and the a-hooo account. No identities will be revealed, only the operative language will be quoted:

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Quite a bit but sending anonymous anger to an anonymous law student is not exactly a sign of a well-balanced individual either.

"[I]t appears that you attend a "good" law school...and i was wondering exactly what you did to get to this point. ie what undergrad or type of undergrad, just basically anything beyond the obvious i had a high lsat and high GPA."

Well I do indeed attend a law school that U.S. News & World Report has annoited as a top 5 institution in these United States. And since they are a crappy weekly news magazine that absolutely no one reads except for their ranking of everything in sight, I guess that's good enough. I wonder why more magazines don't just start ranking shit, those always seem to sell well. What is also curious is why institutions with a lot more legitimacy to write about higher education [Newsweek, Time, NY Times, any-fucking-one] have given this abortion of a magazine a free pass monopoly on determining who is "in" or "out" in higher education. Don't we believe in competition in this fucking country? But I am digressing.

To answer your query more fully, this is what it takes to go to a top 5 law school [following advise is for non-"underpresented" applicants only]:
1) Get good GPA.
2) Get VERY good LSAT.

That's it! I myself attended an instutution that in the undegrad U.S. News & World Report has placed very well in the past 10 years. Whether that made a difference at all, I couldn't tell you but from the experience of people around me I can tell you that having a shitty LSAT would not save you even if you had a 4.0 in astrophysics from M.I.T. The problem is that law schools have to report their numbers in order to be ranked by U.S. News & World Report and therefore will do anything to make those numbers appear higher. While this might sound lamentable, it actually worked out great for me. I have no work experience, graduate degrees, academic research, or frankly interests of any kind. But I did have a high GPA from a top school and one kick-ass LSAT and here I am, ready to lawyer and weasel my way through life. The point of all of this is that law school admissions are simply about having a high enough index [GPA+multiplier(LSAT)] and that's it. And if anyone tells you otherwise they are either lying or are an idiot.

"Please remember to never restrict anyone's
opportunities for ascertaining uninterrupted
existence for their quintessence."

Ok this one is from the comments and not e-mail but it deserves its own mention. Are you a Scientologist or something? Because I am not joining unless Jenna Elfman blows me.

Monday, May 09, 2005

All done. That means it is time for a bender. More to follow...

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